Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
