i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
