she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
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he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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