my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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