You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
