To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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