I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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