She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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