there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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