drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
