I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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