yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Text me some of your sweat
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
