So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
