Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
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Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
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Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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