we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
