remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
