Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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