Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
