For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
