i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
