Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
