You really coming over, don't trick.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
