Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
