Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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