Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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