I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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