i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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