Plan B is the new Plan A
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
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