This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
