chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
