she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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