the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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