Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
