I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
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Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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