dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
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I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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