She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize