so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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