you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Panties = found
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