I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
