Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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