I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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