you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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