i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You brought string cheese to the strip club
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
