2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
