I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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