i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
