you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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