You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
