Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
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Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room