You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
