I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
