you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
