fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
