Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
