bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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