i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Enjoy the penises
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
