i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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