i just had sex bonerless
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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