Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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