im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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