The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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