She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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