You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Mom said you looked used
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
